Third Date Sex?

The Unrecognized Tragedy of Extramarital Sex.

“The truth is that wherever a man lies with a woman, there, whether they like it or not, a transcendental relation is set up between them which must be eternally enjoyed or eternally endured.” C.S. Lewis, the Screwtape Letters

As family physician, minister, father, or friend, I am privileged to talk to a wide variety of people. I recently met a young woman, not long divorced, who is struggling with past abuse, present financial difficulties, and future uncertainty. We talked many times about the challenges she faced. Shortly after her divorce became final, she started dating another man. This young woman wanted to see if they could have a future, but worried that he didn’t seem interested in her work and other key parts of her life.

Years ago I was the team physician for the US military women’s soccer team at an international competition. One of the players came to me for a gynecological exam, concerned that she might have contracted something from her new boyfriend. We had long and personal discussions about her and about their relationship. She wanted to share her most intimate feelings with this man, but did not dare for fear of losing him.

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Song of Songs – The Mystery and Majesty of Human Love

A commentary on the Song of Solomon

Interpreted for centuries by most Jews and Christians as an allegory about the love of God for His people, modern commentators hold that this is a story about human love, which secondarily reflects the perfect love between God and His people. Though God is never mentioned, His presence permeates the book. There is widespread mention of the wonders of His creation as well as the constant restraining (and liberating) presence of His moral code. Notably, in the Song of Songs the woman did most of the speaking. It is magnificent poetry with extensive use of olfactory imagery. Remarkably, it never mentioned having children as the purpose for marriage. Romantic love was beautiful and desirable for its own sake.

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Commentary on Proverbs 31

The ultimate passage for Christian women and their families, Proverbs 31 is not a call for despair, but for delight. 

Mother’s Day is an ideal time to consider the importance of mothers. The classic passage in the Bible on this topic is Proverbs 31. This scripture is beautiful and appropriate, focusing first on the excellent mother (vv1-9) and then on the excellent wife (vv10-31). The first woman described was the mother of a king and she gave him wonderful words of wisdom. The second woman described had children, but it was in her role as a wife, more so than in her role as a mother, that she was praised.

My daughter attended a college conference last week which featured a special workshop for girls entitled “Am I Enough?” This is a question that everyone asks, but the pressures on women, especially in the Church, are intense. Even a study of Proverbs 31 can make women feel inadequate as no woman can hope to be as perfect as the model portrayed in these verses. However, the theme of Proverbs 31 is not that there are perfect women but those who embrace their relationships, to their children, to their husband, and ultimately to their God, are to be praised. They will succeed as fully as the women portrayed in these verses.

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On Disagreements

How to disagree with others but maintain a good relationship with them, and minimize disagreements in the future. 

Last night my family and I hosted a party for our children’s friends, about 30 kids from elementary school through high school. Our daughter and two of her high school friends who are all home from college were here as all. After the party, our family and Anna’s friends, Megan and Jamie, watched the 1947 movie Miracle on 34th Street, a perennial Christmas favorite. Megan had seen the movie at our house the year before and loved it, and like most young millennials in our experience, Jamie rarely watched old movies and hadn’t seen it.  We all hoped that Jamie would enjoy the film, just as we had when Megan watched it the year before, but between texting and stepping away, I feared that she would miss the subtleties that make many old movies so good. As the courtroom scene reached its climax, Jamie became more and more engaged. At the end, with a smile a mile wide, she said that it was a terrific movie.

We all want others to enjoy the things that we enjoy, because doing such things together brings us together as people. Friends who like Chinese food, baseball games, and reading Shakespeare will enjoy doing these things together, making them more fun for all and building their relationships. People who have little or nothing in common will not likely be friends, or stay friends for long.

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