An examination of the dangers of trying to identify the “normal”, which often means “the best”, time in life

By Mark D. Harris

Imagine a conversation between a middle-aged husband and wife:

“Our family hasn’t been normal since our oldest daughter left for college in the fall of 2012.”

“No, things stopped being normal when our son developed epilepsy in November 2011.”

“That’s not right. What about when my father died in June 2009?”

“Or when mine died in August 2008?”

“I guess you’re right…things haven’t been normal for nearly 11 years.”

“But they certainly weren’t normal before our youngest child was born in September 2006.”

“Yes, except we thought that they were normal because we didn’t know that she was coming, and then we didn’t know how life would be with her.”

“But things weren’t really normal when I worked in DC and we lived in that rental house.”

“Nothing about DC is normal.”

“Perhaps the only normal time in our lives was from the fall of 2007 to the spring of 2008, about six months.”

Too strange to be true? No. Nearly everyone has some variation of this conversation, some when they are young and almost all as they grow old. In our reminiscent moments, we evaluate the times, people, and events in our lives. We pine to relive some days past and thrill that others are behind us. Calling a time “normal” really ends up meaning that it was “the best”. If the past is the best, nothing that follows can be as good.

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